Where has the Love gone?

I asked this question.. because of what transpired yesterday for me.. and sadly the person I was talking to had her experience over the last week and a half. And now because what she shared has affected me I feel I need to put it in words. My heart is so heavy for this woman..actually for the couple.. a very sweet endearing couple, who when I first met them a week and a half ago I was drawn to them..She's a couple years older than I am, and clearly he was much younger then her. I did not notice that at first.. what I saw was the love they clearly shared.. he held her hand.. he was attentive to her, when she needed something out of her purse.. he reached to help her with it..to get it off her shoulder.. when she spoke.. she would glance at him.. not sure if it was for reassurance.. or just to make sure she got the timing right.. those things jumped out at me first..the bond.. As I watched this couple, they were leaving their paperwork for me to work on..and we offer drop off service or you can make an appointment. I was listening to the conversation they were having with my customer service rep. and clearly it was not offered. The client had stated she was concerned, would like it if she can speak with someone, and was told if we have questions we'll call you. Needless to say, they left.. and I went out to get the file. Like I said.. I was drawn to them. Put my name on the folder and got to doing their return the following night. I did call them, because after listening to her I just wanted to make sure I was doing my job right. So I spoke with both her and her husband, and glad I did. There was other things I needed for her return that no one else had told them about. They said they would bring in the papers that week. She came in during the day, when I am not working, I am there from 4:30 to 8 or later.. so when she came in she dropped off her paper work and that's when things went south.. I had explained to the couple on the phone that it would be best if we sat down and had an appointment, to go over this years return and for me to look at last years because clearly things were missed. They once again said that was never offered to them in the 8 years they were coming to that office, I apologized and explained we should offer both. So we made an appointment, I told her if she wanted to just drop off the paper work I could get it into the computer and then we can finalize everything during the appt. She agreed. She came in the next day and dropped off her paperwork explaining to the CSR that they had an appt that Saturday but that I wanted to have the papers beforehand. And that's what ignited the CSR, she first said to the client that she did not know my schedule and would put her info into her file, grabbed the paper from her hands and tossed it on her desk with one of those disgusted sighs. The client was shocked and had asked her did I do something wrong? and instead of the CSR calming down.. she got loud and started yelling at the client, the client finally got up and left. The next day, the CSR calls the client to tell them that their tax return is done. WHICH btw was NOT, I had it in what we call the pending drawer, which basically means more info is needed, and nothing has been printed. So when the client got that message she was upset, she thought we had an appointment on Sat. am to discuss and go over, so she called the CSR, who then put her on hold for 20 MINUTES! WHO does that? oh and it gets worse.. the client decides, ok this is enough, hangs up and calls back. We have caller id..guess who won't answer the phone.. so then the husband calls from his cell and the CSR answers right away. He states who he is and the CSR does one of those disgusted sighs... he asks her to please don't do that... her response... I was just breathing! of course said with attitude.. so he confirms that we have an appt on Sat am with me.. and her answer is.. yes you're in the computer but I don't know what her schedule is. (again a blatant LIE)
So.. yesterday.. was Saturday.... and they were my first appointments for the day. I got in early to open up.. get things set up and going.. they came to the front desk, I went out and said hello, let me get your file.. we went into my office and had our meeting.. she had many questions as did he.. we went over the previous years return, she said thank you for taking the time to explain all of this to us. I told her that's my job, to help you understand and to know what you can do next year to help.. so then she says can I tell you about my hell. My stomach dropped, I thought maybe I had done something wrong, and I asked, is everything okay? She says its not been with you, you have been great its with "she says her name" and explains the above to me. BUT here's the edge to this all. When she explained how she came in to drop off her paperwork, and the CSR took attitude and grabbed the paper away from the client, and started getting loud.. the client shared with me.. "I did battle with cancer this last year, (her husband reaches over to her, both of them tears in their eyes) heck I almost lost it.. she then says.. I did battle with cancer and.. there was no way I was going to engage in a battle with that bitch"
I sat there.. apologizing.. at first dumbfounded at all that I heard her explain.. I went on to let them know that that is not how we want our customers treated, that I was sorry that they BOTH had to experience that kind of treatment. Needless to say she wanted someone that she could complain to.. so I gave her my district manager's phone number, and stated to the client.. if you feel you aren't getting a good response from him, here is the regional managers phone number. Sadly I know how this goes, I have had to handle many complaints from this CSR, and the district manager always seems to have an excuse ready for her behavior. I don't get it..
So I did what I thought best.. I comped her fees, I would have liked to have given them both free.. but figured I would leave room hopefully for the district manager to at least send some coupons or comp the husbands return too.

There is one thing I have learned.. and I was pretty young when I did.. probably about 8.. I realized that people ALL people are carrying something around with them that is difficult. I don't think there is a person out there that has had such a golden life. Unscathed by life whether its health issues or heart issues...

LOVE is a powerful thing! We are capable of showing love, being compassionate, doing good for one another, saying kind words! Since when does anyone have the right to give attitude like that to another human being! And I don't care how bad YOU'RE day is.. you don't get to dump on the next guy that comes along.. it isn't their fault either!!!

I wonder though.. will this CSR learn this.. I have a few people in my life that are like that.. I don't spend much time with them, because in all honestly I don't want that in my life.

I heard this story awhile ago.. was about this husband and wife, the husband would go out drinking with his buddies, stay out late, and he would bring the guys home. He wasn't abusive, just drank and wanted to be with the guys. So the guys go to his house.. as they have many times before, and he goes in to wake his wife, she gets up.. puts on her robe, and comes out and starts making food. This friend of her husbands is just astounded that his wife would get up at 3, 4, or whenever they got there because this was something the husband would boast about.. oh come over the missus will make us breakfast.. so his friend, goes to the wife and asks her.. why do you get up and make the food, why do you show him such compassion. Her reply.. because I love him, and this may be the only heaven he knows.

Why can't we all have that in our hearts.. to show compassion being kind, giving love instead of always looking for it, or taking it..


I feel I need to put a disclaimer on here.. in regards to those in abusive relationships.. there is no amount of compassion that will help the abuser, there is no amount of love that will STOP your abuser. The abuser is not fueled by LOVE, so showing love, doesn't work. and I am sure you have tried it and know this to be true as well.

I close now, feeling a little lighter.. sometimes its best to get your thoughts out there.. a sorting of feelings so to say.. haha..
starts here.. shower the people you love with love!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xWnjEMbFFME


and for my babe.. thank you! it is sweet to be loved by you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSQdRz-HlJw&feature=related

doing the math

Been thinking about what I have been doing.. with taxes and doing bookkeeping.. and I am thinking I am tired of working so hard for companies.. I did this on my own a few years ago.. had my own business and was doing well.. until the economy took a dump.. but now things are starting to turn around.. and with taxes.. here in Canada doing taxes and now with the US requirements for citizens to file, and yes I took that course again too.. learned alot.. thinking I can make some serious money.. just doing the math.. looking at maybe a franchise.. or buying one??
why not make the money.. for me.. LOL.. instead of my bosses..

The joys of learning

Yes.. learning is a joy, unless its a harsh life lesson.. but even that you have to kind of shrug your shoulders and say hey.. at least I am learning even NOW!
I understand with life it is all what you do with the knowledge you gain.. do you use it for evil or for good.. I tend to the latter.. there's enough evil in the world today.. anyway.. I have much to catch up on.. and sadly blogging was on my list.. figured I would update this a bit.. but too tax season is almost here and hey.. I might just be working 3 jobs for the next 3-4 months.. then down to 2 jobs again.. can you say go getter.. I think its more CRAZY! but whatever.. it is what it is.. and I am just going to try to go with the flow. It would be nice to get ahead in the financial area of my life.. so no complaints!
much happiness to you, and may the lessons you need to learn in life come to you in such a way that you are open to them, and that you can embrace them..
LIFE, LOVE and most importantly LAUGH!!!!

Yes it's almost that time of year.. the tree is up, no stockings hung yet.. still need to get some shopping done. I am heading to Los Angeles for a week... was hoping I was going to hit some 80 plus temps.. but will have to settle for 70's. Staying at a hotel that has a pool and jacuzzi, and of course a gym.. hoping to get some time in there.. looking forward to doing some shopping, spending time with my kids. I have to admit, living north of the border, and it being so dang cold its hard to get motivated when your freezing your tushie off.. haha.. yes I said tushie! ah well..

I did have a surprise the other day from my dear sweet bf.. I came home after a long day.. had class then had to work. Work wasn't bad it was the class that seemed to last forever! (taking a tax course) anyway I passed the course-still waiting on the results of the 2nd class.. so we'll see (fingers still crossed) anyway.. coming home is always something I look forward to. It's such a joy coming home to someone who wants to see you and spend time with you.. anyway.. he surprised me with flowers!.. (I know! too sweet!) and then.. he shows me his 2 packages he bought.. wrapped for Christmas, and the part that I adore is how excited he is.. he's all..you want to open them? you want to open them NOW? LOL.. YUP a big kid.. and I LOVE that.. cuz really I am like that too.. when I buy something for him that I know he's gonna love, I too want him to open it right away!.. haha..
So one of the gifts he did give me was a beautiful heart necklace!.. on the heart has a infinity on it.. I had to hold back the tears.. I was so touched by the thought that he put into it.. I love the romantic in him.. yup... I love him..

and I am going to miss him next week, I love being with him..I love the fact that we don't have to "do" anything.. just being with him, he makes me smile.. I will try not to gush too much about him... its nice to be able to be with someone that just enjoys.. enjoys being with you as much as you do them!

So as much as I am looking forward to going to LA... I am looking forward to spending another Christmas with my dear man...

11.11.11 looking back

I am a numbers person.. and I do have to admit.. that I took note of not just that date.. but when it was 11:11 am and then the pm again... its the same thing on my truck.. I watch the odometer as if something miraculous might just happen when it turns to an even number.. or when it hits the 150,000 or 160,000 not sure what I think will happen.. but I do take note of where I am at the time of those significant counts.. like it really matters.. LOL.. it doesn't I know this.. but do you ever think about big moments or maybe the not so big moments.. and you just want to etch it in your memory.. take note of the who, the where, the when and the how of it all.. ya.. that's me.. sometimes.. haha..
Feeling a bit off lately.. not sure if its the holidays coming up.. or just the whole time change.. getting darker earlier.. or maybe its something a lot deeper..but then.. do I really want to dig..?? sometimes when I do that.. I find things that I really don't want to find.. or have to face.. it's not that I don't have the courage to face certain things.. its having the strength to change those things that you don't like.
ah.. feel like I am rambling now.. this is what happens when you can't sleep.. and thoughts just keep coming in your head... silly movie on tv.. that I am half paying attention to.. cat snoring on the couch..
you think that's funny?? you should hear me snore!.. now that's funny.. and a bit disturbing if you're the one being kept awake by it..

have you ever been in a situation where you have people talking bad about you? they make up blatant lies.. just to make themselves look good.. or to feel better.. whatever their reasoning is..

do you over analyze where you are in your life? do you have a 3-5 year plan? are you open to what comes along.. or do you stick to your plan?

do you think outside the box when it comes to your life? or is it more along the lines of 2.5 kids and a house and a dog??

when you face adversity is it with a can do attitude.. or is the towel already in your hand?

and with this social networking world that we are in.. do you know all your facebook friends? or is it about the number of so called friends that you have listed? the one with the most wins?

do you value your time? your life? your friends? your family?
how do you show it

ever feel alone in a crowded room? or surrounded by people you know? yet you still feel very much alone?

ever wonder what other people are thinking? or what makes them tick?

how does your life experiences shape your attitude? are you more patient, or less forgiving?

how do you define yourself? is it the who you are..or what you are?

wow.. lot's in this head of mine tonight.. my apologies..
Guess I will be looking at these questions more closely.. ya.. that's my digging.

rants and raves..

Seems we are that time of the year again.. winding down.. year end almost here.. there is such a crisp coolness to the air.. you have to grab a jacket.. there's no going out without one now.. The leaves on the trees are changing colours and they are starting to fall... I enjoy autumn.. its just different..its the season that brings the most change.. and such beauty along with it.. soon we will be covered in a blanket of snow.. not that it will be warm like a blanket.. but what I mean is.. the snow that covers the once green grass from summer.. the plants that are now in sleep mode.. it covers them.. keeps them.. for me..these seasons definitely slow me down.. (and make me a bit heavier).. but hey.. keeps ya warm right?!.. I find it a bit harder to go thru these changes in seasons here in Canada.. it gets more gloomy than I am use to.. In California.. winter we still had blue skies..probably more blue in winter then in summer.. (less smog.. due to all the winds!) And there were days when it still got to 78 or even as high as 85.. there were some days in January that I was able to put on my bikini.. and lay out in the sun!.. yup.. miss those days!.. I guess that's maybe why I am feeling a bit mellow .. knowing that winter is coming.. and its just so gray.. even this week.. its been blah.. guess I should become a bear.. put on my winter weight.. and just go hibernate.. LOL..
time for a nap.. :)

STOP DROP AND ROLL!

Funny how this so applies to me.. I don't dare let anyone know that I am not okay.. I mean come on.. let's look at this.. I am in my 40's .. and sadly.. I have had many a knock downs.. and ya I know all the sayings..when life knocks you down.. or kicks you when you're down...you're suppose to wipe off the dust and get back up.. and do your best. or if life hands you lemons.. make lemonade.. or my favorite.. get the tequila..

I am just so tired of being knocked down..and ya.. life isn't easy.. I know this.. and it's not that I want it easy I just don't want to feel like shit anymore..

I had a friend tell me.. since my divorce was final that I need to learn who I am.. and to stop defining myself as wife and mother.. or daughter and sister.. well what is there.. I mean ya.. I know I am a good person.. I know I am smart.. well I thought or think I am.. but clearly even that this week I am questioning myself.. AGAIN.. and see that's just it.. how do we stop this.. when everything around us puts us in this box.. we are defined.. so how do I change this..?

Some days.. I get it.. I know who I am.. I know where I am to be.. just read this saying I have in front of my computer.. EVERY TRUE STRENGTH IS GAINED THROUGH STRUGGLE... well then I must be the strongest friggin person in the world.. cuz dang.. I have had alot of struggles in my life!.. LOL.. no really.. haha..

You know.. I look at where I have been.. what I have done.. and it's got me here.. with the knowledge that I have.. yet.. I question it all..

who am I?
what am I doing?
where am I heading?
when does the hurt stop?
how will this all go?

I know the how.. is the journey..and ya.. life is a journey not a destination.. aren't I just full of this.. all these sayings.. and yet.. here I am struggling..

every true strength is gained through struggle..

so maybe I am not as strong as I think.. cuz obviously.. still struggling.. which makes me then think.. I am not thinking right.. cuz if I think I am strong yet still struggling.. obviously.. I am oblivious!..

as they say.. if you think you're crazy you're not.. cuz you're at least concerned..or if you think you're losing it.. you can't be.. cuz you're aware.. who comes up with this crap anyway.. and why the heck is it in my head!!!

maybe that's just it.. I think to much.. haha..

all I know.. is I am tired.. and no not the sleepy tired either..

Kind of funny .. lately..that's all I seem to want to do.. is sleep.. one thing I am good at..

Need to stop allowing others to define who I am..
Need to stop looking at my circumstances as conditions of who I am..
Need to get some sleep.. this time.. ya.. it's the sleepy kind..

I need to find my TRUE NORTH!