SAY...

Went to LA a few weeks ago.  Had a wonderful time in the sun, and warmer weather! While I was there of course in my rental car, cruising on the freeways.. and blaring the radio.. and on comes this song.  Say something... WOW.. talk about blow me away.. yes right there on the freeway.  Such a sweet song, sad.. but sweet..

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'll be the one, if you want me to.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I am feeling so small.
It was over my head
I know nothing at all.

And I will stumble and fall.
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
Anywhere, I would've followed you.
Say something, I'm giving up on you.

And I will swallow my pride.
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.
And anywhere, I would have followed you.
Oh-oh-oh-oh say something, I'm giving up on you.

Say something, I'm giving up on you.
Say something...



To be able to love like this.. to be able to know that they are the one, that they are the one you would follow to the ends of the earth.  To know that love is so much more than who we are, yes love makes us do things that normally we wouldn't... yes swallow your pride.. and what's even harder is to love and to have to say good bye to that love, to say.. i'm giving up on you.. love sure changes you.

My hope is that those that find love, know how truly blessed they are, and that they would never fear saying something! and to never give up especially when the two feel as one..

per chance to dream..

Dreams.. sometimes very welcoming depending on the content of such dream, of course if you wake up sweating, shaking and breathing hard (adreniline pumping) that's not so much a dream as it is a nightmare unless of course you consider the content.. why are you sweating, shaking and breathing hard.. haha.. yes there are other activities that can make you respond that way.  My mind seems to be more active while I sleep, I am sure that's not true but it sure feels like it when you wake up and feel very exhausted.  Waking up numerous times in the night does not help my disposition either.  Yes I can be cranky.. I can also be very quiet which can be construed as "in a bad mood"... funny how that works.  I had one of those restless nights again.. and my brain actually hurts right now.  I think its from the lack of rest..or maybe the one too many coffees to jump start it.. ha.. yes we do that to don't we.  Because we all know how good caffeine is for the body.. Sadly my mind wants to turn off.. it wants to sleep..my eyes are even heavy.. unfortunately the job doesn't allow me to sack out on the cot..or even to place my head on the desk and catch a few winks! 
I often wonder how many days I can go without a good night's sleep.. before I lose complete thought process... I have come close.. 3 days.. but then I became an emotional basket case.. oh such a pretty sight!

so on to another "awake dream" aka day dreams... yes.. I do that alot when I have had restless nights.. maybe that's my survivor mode kicking in.  Lotto tixs in my pocket.. picturing beautiful beaches with white sand.. warm sun shining down on you.. not a worry or care in the world.. oh yes.. and the hammock that sways .. calling to me.. the breeze from the ocean, the taste of the salt on the lips.. closing eyes again.. I can hear the lapping of the waves on the shore.. oh so sweet..

road trip by car

Yes I have to clarify what type of road trip..seeing how I have done some by motorcycle.  Thinking I might do that again soon.. work on getting a license.. anyway.. took the car to Princeton, British Columbia- took a walk along the Trans Canada Trail.  Was quite a lovely day.. sun shining, a few clouds.. the trail went along the river which was really cold.  Yes I had to stick my hands in it.  Not sure what that's all about but yes I need to feel.. the cold, wet, water.. and no I was not brave enough to take off the sneakers and wade in.  Figure my feet would have been numb in about 2 secs!  Saw a few deer, a hawk and a bald eagle.  Great views on the ride, alot of campsites that could be awesome in the summer!  Right on the river too. 
Back at work today, and again a beautiful day beacons... but I will have to bide my time for now.. will have to check those lottery tickets.. can you imagine!.. to be able to just go and do what you want, when you want, and not worry about if you can afford to! . Now that would be a dream!

eyes open

Yes it's been quite some time since I last did this..woohooo.. blogging.. not sure how most of you keep up with this..I find myself writing in my journal more then blogging.. some things you're just not meant to post on the internet.
Speaking of which, I find myself quite saddened by what I find out there.. for the world to see. There are some authors who feel like they are opening your eyes..making you more aware..which ya okay I get that.. but some things.. I don't want to see.. and sadly once you see it.. you can't unsee it.. it is too bad we can't erase our hard drive (brain) there are a few things I would like to undo!

So I started to read Dr. Phil's new book.. life code.. talk about an eye opener again!.. I too am a "pollyanna" type.. to see the good in people.  Guess that's why I find myself quite disappointed.  I think that people are generally good... seeing the good, doing the good things.. communicating clearly (okay that I don't do that well but I do try, at least I don't fly off the handle in an angry rage!) yes I shut down.. shut you out.. til I can sort out my feelings.. and sadly that sometimes can take a day or two.. and then I might sit with you and bring up how you hurt me.. or disappointed me.. now that I think about it..there are times when I don't bother..because I feel like the other person should know better... or.. shouldn't have gone there in the first place..if they TRULY care about me.. LOL!!! ya.. I know.. you should hear what Dr. Phil has to say about that in his book!!!  (assertive- need to learn!)

Never assume that someone likes you by their sweetness. Sometimes, you are just an option when they are bored.

I don't want to be any ones option, if I am not first choice.. then please move along!!! (my attempt at being assertive)... seriously.. please don't waste my time if you truly don't want to be with me..and I will most certainly give you the same respect. 

RIP

21 years ago today I lost someone close to me.. still think of her.. she was a wonderful person..heart of gold.. she touched my heart...and will be in my heart always..
thinking of you today..