Ever wonder where this road of life will take you? I often have pondered this..and I have to say.. where I am now.. sure.. I saw myself here.. eventually but not in the circumstances that surround me..I never once pictured my life the way it is.... you ask.. is that wrong.. is it bad... no..it's not.. it's just so different from what I once thought.. but then too.. I am so different from what I once was.. and that too is not a bad thing.. I like who I am.. I like what I stand for.. and for the most part.. like those that surround me....my only issue has been... and will always be... that the peeps in my life.. MUST be honest with me.. I won't have someone in my life if they continue to lie.. and sadly.. we all have someone like that in our life.. question is now.. what do you do with them?
I have had advice.. a friend said to me.. you teach people how to treat you... yeah I get that.. but what if I don't like conflict.. and just knowing that they are lying.. isn't that good enough.. doesn't that protect me..ultimately it is them that must deal with the lie.. it is them that has to face that mirror everyday.. Maybe I am wrong.. maybe there is conflict that must be faced.. things must be said.. and brought out in the open..but then.. I would rather just not have them in my life.. or a close part of it...
anyway.. here I sit.. on homeland.. going to make another big move.. my own place.. yeah.. that's huge.. should be an interesting adventure..
living somewhere I only dreamed about.. in the mountains.. my own space..
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Strengths
You are your own worst enemy- or your biggest cheerleader! It is a choice- a daily one that before you open your eyes to face the world, your mind becomes aware, conscious as you would call it..and the mind is a powerful tool. It can lead you, it can give you strength-knowing your a capable person- or it can play things that others have said or shared that knock you down. And that self doubt creeps in. How or why we do that to ourselves I don't know.. and even after years of doing it on your own there's still that question of can I? When does that go away? does it? How do you learn to be more confident? is it thru life experiences? cuz if that's true I should have loads of it! And how is it that we give others control in our lives? Are we not capable of making our own decisions, our own choices? We know ourselves better then anyone else..
I guess for me.. yeah.. I know who I am.. I know what I want.. unfortunately those don't always align with what others "think" I should do.. but again.. who's life is this anyway?? If I want to bunk up my life in the worst way imaginable.. well who's fault is it.. would be mine.. of course I don't look at life that way.. I certainly don't squander my life away.. well..I don't think I do.. maybe for others they may look at me and think ya.. what a waste.. she hasn't accomplished much.. I say.. I am not here to win medals of honor or glory.. I am here to be the best me I can.. and that is a person who is caring, loving, compassionate, trustworthy.. I like who I am.. I don't always like my circumstances.. but when you look at it.. that's brief too.. things change so quickly.. and life has a way of moving on.. going on.. guess my thing is..I don't want to just be a spectator.. I wanna play.. so this girl.. is grabbing the bull by the horns.. like they said.. life isn't easy, and sometimes you have to play hard.. or harder!!!
often wonder if people actually know their strengths, and their weaknesses...and I am not just saying what you're good at in life.. I mean your personality, your character, who you are, how you respond to situations... and most importantly if that view of oneself is accurate..
I am watching the Olympics and I have to wonder... the mental strengths of some peeps compared to others.. how one trains for that.. how does one keep that focus.. that determination.. the sheer will of doing something.. and some of these sports are to me pretty extreme.. I can't imagine barreling down on a luge.. face first.. hitting speeds of over 80MPH.. to me that's crazy.. to them... its exhilarating.. some things are left better to just watch.. haha
Nike commercial.. "just do it"!
I guess for me.. yeah.. I know who I am.. I know what I want.. unfortunately those don't always align with what others "think" I should do.. but again.. who's life is this anyway?? If I want to bunk up my life in the worst way imaginable.. well who's fault is it.. would be mine.. of course I don't look at life that way.. I certainly don't squander my life away.. well..I don't think I do.. maybe for others they may look at me and think ya.. what a waste.. she hasn't accomplished much.. I say.. I am not here to win medals of honor or glory.. I am here to be the best me I can.. and that is a person who is caring, loving, compassionate, trustworthy.. I like who I am.. I don't always like my circumstances.. but when you look at it.. that's brief too.. things change so quickly.. and life has a way of moving on.. going on.. guess my thing is..I don't want to just be a spectator.. I wanna play.. so this girl.. is grabbing the bull by the horns.. like they said.. life isn't easy, and sometimes you have to play hard.. or harder!!!
often wonder if people actually know their strengths, and their weaknesses...and I am not just saying what you're good at in life.. I mean your personality, your character, who you are, how you respond to situations... and most importantly if that view of oneself is accurate..
I am watching the Olympics and I have to wonder... the mental strengths of some peeps compared to others.. how one trains for that.. how does one keep that focus.. that determination.. the sheer will of doing something.. and some of these sports are to me pretty extreme.. I can't imagine barreling down on a luge.. face first.. hitting speeds of over 80MPH.. to me that's crazy.. to them... its exhilarating.. some things are left better to just watch.. haha
Nike commercial.. "just do it"!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
You Reap what you Sow...
The man slowly looked up. This was a woman clearly accustomed to the finer things of life. Her coat was new. She looked like she had never missed a meal in her life. His first thought was that she wanted to make fun of him, like so many others had done before.
"Leave me alone," he growled... To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows.
"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"No," he answered sarcastically. "I've j ust come from dining with the president.. Now go away."
The woman's smile became even broader.
Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm. "What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone.
Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked..
"No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?"
The officer scratched his head. "That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?"
"See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile."
"Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up.
"Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything.."
"This is a good deal for you, Jack," the officer answered. "Don't blow it."
Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived.
The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked."What is all this, is this man in trouble?"
"This lady brought this man in here to be fed," the policeman answered.
"Not in here!" t he manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business."
Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go. I didn't want to come here in the first place"
The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy andAssociates, the banking firm down the street?"
"Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms."
"And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?"
"What business is that of yours?"
I, sir, am Penelope Eddy,president and CEO of the company."
"Oh..."
The woman smiled again.. "I thought that might make a difference."
She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a laugh. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?"
"No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty."
"Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?"
"Yes, ma'am. That would be very nice."
The cafeteria manager turned on his heel. "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer."
The officer watched him walk away. "You certainly put him in his place," he said.
"That was not my intent... Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this."
She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest. She stared at him intently.
"Jack, do you remember me?"
Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes. "I think so -- I mean you do look familiar."
"I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry."
"Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such a magnificen tly turned out woman could ever have been hungry.
"I was just out of college," the woman began. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment.. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat."
Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat. I said that it was against company policy."
"I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble. Then, when I looked over and saw you put the price of my food in the cash register, I=2 0knew then that everything would be all right."
"So you started your own business?" Old Jack said.
"I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered.." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. "When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons. He's the personnel director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office."
She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet. If you ever need anything, my door is always open to you."
There were tears in the old man's eyes.. "How can I ever thank you?" he asked.
"Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. He led me to you."
Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways.. "Thank you for all your help, officer," she said.
"On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. "Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget. And..And thank you for the coffee."
Have a Wonderful Day. May God Bless You Always and don't forget that when you "cast your bread upon the waters," you never know how it will be returned to you. God is so big He can cover the whole world with his Love and so small He can curl up inside your heart.
When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go.
Only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly! Don't take that literally okay.. not telling you to go jump.. but in life.. there are choices we have to make.. some feel like your jumping off that cliff.. comes down to faith... hope.. and love.. the gifts God gave us.. and if you haven't figured out yet.. what the greatest gift is.. it's love..
God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close..
Have a blessed day and remember to be a blessing....
"The Task Ahead of Me is Never as Great as the Power Behind Me!!"
"Leave me alone," he growled... To his amazement, the woman continued standing. She was smiling -- her even white teeth displayed in dazzling rows.
"Are you hungry?" she asked.
"No," he answered sarcastically. "I've j ust come from dining with the president.. Now go away."
The woman's smile became even broader.
Suddenly the man felt a gentle hand under his arm. "What are you doing, lady?" the man asked angrily. "I said to leave me alone.
Just then a policeman came up. "Is there any problem, ma'am?" he asked..
"No problem here, officer," the woman answered. "I'm just trying to get this man to his feet. Will you help me?"
The officer scratched his head. "That's old Jack. He's been a fixture around here for a couple of years. What do you want with him?"
"See that cafeteria over there?" she asked. "I'm going to get him something to eat and get him out of the cold for awhile."
"Are you crazy, lady?" the homeless man resisted. "I don't want to go in there!" Then he felt strong hands grab his other arm and lift him up.
"Let me go, officer. I didn't do anything.."
"This is a good deal for you, Jack," the officer answered. "Don't blow it."
Finally, and with some difficulty, the woman and the police officer got Jack into the cafeteria and sat him at a table in a remote corner. It was the middle of the morning, so most of the breakfast crowd had already left and the lunch bunch had not yet arrived.
The manager strode across the cafeteria and stood by his table. "What's going on here, officer?" he asked."What is all this, is this man in trouble?"
"This lady brought this man in here to be fed," the policeman answered.
"Not in here!" t he manager replied angrily. "Having a person like that here is bad for business."
Old Jack smiled a toothless grin. "See, lady. I told you so. Now if you'll let me go. I didn't want to come here in the first place"
The woman turned to the cafeteria manager and smiled. "Sir, are you familiar with Eddy andAssociates, the banking firm down the street?"
"Of course I am," the manager answered impatiently. "They hold their weekly meetings in one of my banquet rooms."
"And do you make a goodly amount of money providing food at these weekly meetings?"
"What business is that of yours?"
I, sir, am Penelope Eddy,president and CEO of the company."
"Oh..."
The woman smiled again.. "I thought that might make a difference."
She glanced at the cop who was busy stifling a laugh. "Would you like to join us in a cup of coffee and a meal, officer?"
"No thanks, ma'am," the officer replied. "I'm on duty."
"Then, perhaps, a cup of coffee to go?"
"Yes, ma'am. That would be very nice."
The cafeteria manager turned on his heel. "I'll get your coffee for you right away, officer."
The officer watched him walk away. "You certainly put him in his place," he said.
"That was not my intent... Believe it or not, I have a reason for all this."
She sat down at the table across from her amazed dinner guest. She stared at him intently.
"Jack, do you remember me?"
Old Jack searched her face with his old, rheumy eyes. "I think so -- I mean you do look familiar."
"I'm a little older perhaps," she said. "Maybe I've even filled out more than in my younger days when you worked here, and I came through that very door, cold and hungry."
"Ma'am?" the officer said questioningly. He couldn't believe that such a magnificen tly turned out woman could ever have been hungry.
"I was just out of college," the woman began. "I had come to the city looking for a job, but I couldn't find anything. Finally I was down to my last few cents and had been kicked out of my apartment.. I walked the streets for days. It was February and I was cold and nearly starving. I saw this place and walked in on the off chance that I could get something to eat."
Jack lit up with a smile. "Now I remember," he said. "I was behind the serving counter. You came up and asked me if you could work for something to eat. I said that it was against company policy."
"I know," the woman continued. "Then you made me the biggest roast beef sandwich that I had ever seen, gave me a cup of coffee, and told me to go over to a corner table and enjoy it. I was afraid that you would get into trouble. Then, when I looked over and saw you put the price of my food in the cash register, I=2 0knew then that everything would be all right."
"So you started your own business?" Old Jack said.
"I got a job that very afternoon. I worked my way up. Eventually I started my own business that, with the help of God, prospered.." She opened her purse and pulled out a business card. "When you are finished here, I want you to pay a visit to a Mr. Lyons. He's the personnel director of my company. I'll go talk to him now and I'm certain he'll find something for you to do around the office."
She smiled. "I think he might even find the funds to give you a little advance so that you can buy some clothes and get a place to live until you get on your feet. If you ever need anything, my door is always open to you."
There were tears in the old man's eyes.. "How can I ever thank you?" he asked.
"Don't thank me," the woman answered. "To God goes the glory. He led me to you."
Outside the cafeteria, the officer and the woman paused at the entrance before going their separate ways.. "Thank you for all your help, officer," she said.
"On the contrary, Ms. Eddy," he answered. "Thank you. I saw a miracle today, something that I will never forget. And..And thank you for the coffee."
Have a Wonderful Day. May God Bless You Always and don't forget that when you "cast your bread upon the waters," you never know how it will be returned to you. God is so big He can cover the whole world with his Love and so small He can curl up inside your heart.
When God leads you to the edge of the cliff, trust Him fully and let go.
Only 1 of 2 things will happen, either He'll catch you when you fall, or He'll teach you how to fly! Don't take that literally okay.. not telling you to go jump.. but in life.. there are choices we have to make.. some feel like your jumping off that cliff.. comes down to faith... hope.. and love.. the gifts God gave us.. and if you haven't figured out yet.. what the greatest gift is.. it's love..
God closes doors no man can open & God opens doors no man can close..
Have a blessed day and remember to be a blessing....
"The Task Ahead of Me is Never as Great as the Power Behind Me!!"
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
My life as a dog
Ever seen that movie.. one of the first foreign films I remember actually going to a theater to see...I remember it now.. it was an endearing film... about a boy and how much he loved his mother.. she was ill and yeah in the movie if my memory is correct, she dies...but poor Ingemar is sent to live with relatives,he also had a dog but it was left behind. During the movie he reflects on how much worse things could be.. like the poor Russian dog that was sent into outer space with no way to return, or the man who was running through a field where they were practicing javelin tossing and was struck..
He ends up being friends with a girl, she's a tomboy and they actually learn to box against each other... she one day gets upset with him and tells Ingemar that his dog was actually euthanized. This, along with his mother's death, is too much for him and he locks himself inside a one-room "summer house" in the backyard. The time spent here forces Ingemar to reflect on the death of his mother, the loss of his dog and a changing world. Ingemar uses the experiences of others and of his own personal loss to reconcile a life which is sometimes tough.
I can't and won't sit here and complain and throw a pity party.. that's not what this blog is about.. what was so endearing was no matter how hard, or tough.. things got for poor Ingemar... he just wanted to see his mum smile, to make her laugh...and to find his happiness.. his peace..
I like movies that aren't your typical "Hollywood" ending.. because life is not like that.. it can be hard.. it can be downright hectic.. but what you must do is realize the lessons that you are learning along the way... for me.. sometimes I don't see them right away.. sometimes they are not shown to me until much much later, sometimes years..
We all have our own things in life that we either battle, struggle or submit to..some of us grow tired... some never give up... and some of us soar..
on the wings of an eagle.. no doubt.. no hesitation.. no worry...
He ends up being friends with a girl, she's a tomboy and they actually learn to box against each other... she one day gets upset with him and tells Ingemar that his dog was actually euthanized. This, along with his mother's death, is too much for him and he locks himself inside a one-room "summer house" in the backyard. The time spent here forces Ingemar to reflect on the death of his mother, the loss of his dog and a changing world. Ingemar uses the experiences of others and of his own personal loss to reconcile a life which is sometimes tough.
I can't and won't sit here and complain and throw a pity party.. that's not what this blog is about.. what was so endearing was no matter how hard, or tough.. things got for poor Ingemar... he just wanted to see his mum smile, to make her laugh...and to find his happiness.. his peace..
I like movies that aren't your typical "Hollywood" ending.. because life is not like that.. it can be hard.. it can be downright hectic.. but what you must do is realize the lessons that you are learning along the way... for me.. sometimes I don't see them right away.. sometimes they are not shown to me until much much later, sometimes years..
We all have our own things in life that we either battle, struggle or submit to..some of us grow tired... some never give up... and some of us soar..
on the wings of an eagle.. no doubt.. no hesitation.. no worry...
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
your view?
LOVE
I wonder about "love"... and how other peeps view it..
is it a feeling? a desire? a want?
or is something you do?
how do you describe love..
For me its more of an action, that shows that person how you feel. It can be in the quietness of an evening.. watching a movie, and a hand gently caresses your shoulder..or a whisper in the ear saying love you...or its catching that person watching you instead of the movie.. It can be a random text message.. or an email..it can be a note, with a simple I heart U... there are many ways to show love.. I guess now the question is.. are you secure enough to put your heart out there. To show that special someone that vulnerability, for some they are unwilling to go that far. How sad that is.. to shelter your heart in such a way that you might not be able to experience the absolute excitement and thrill of being loved so completely.. yes there is a chance you will be heart broken, or hurt.. but you must know that with love it does not seek to hurt, love seeks love..and if you're lucky to find that person that you can share with, feel comfortable with and open up to.. then I say.. don't test the waters,do the cannon ball into the pool!
So here's to getting wet!!!
Changes... lots of changes in the air... I use to embrace the thought of something different..something new.. exciting.. now.. the changes that are in my air.. yes they are all that.. but it is work too. I am finding it difficult to stay focused on the tasks at hand.. I guess because I have a few balls in the air.. and I am not good at juggling.. first and the biggest, is my job..moving an office to a virtual office setting is a pretty daunting task.. with organizing phones, servers, equipment, storage of items, sell items.. oh.. the list goes on.. and then my own personal move..
the glorious task of going thru every item one owns, and asking.. is this worth taking with me?? not just the value comes to mind.. but what does it mean to me..how do you put value on something that's got that feeling attached to it.. and how do you let go of it.. when clearly it stirs those emotions. I guess the hard part too is.. who the item came from.. when you have kids, its hard to let go of anything they made for you.
I still remember the faces, the eyes, the smiles, how excited they were that they made that something special, and ya.. I still treasure it.. so..those items.. will be packed carefully away...
All while I am still working full time hours.. and trying to get all the year end stuff done.. I feel like I have way more on my plate than one can actually handle.
I need to either slow down, or delegate... and the latter works for me.. haha..
Now to find a willing person that doesn't mind the job..
Friday, January 1, 2010
Moving..
Looking up trailer rentals for moving one way.. not an easy task online.. have to laugh I have a type 2 trailer hitch so I know my truck can carry like 5800 lbs and yet Uhaul still manages to tell me that they will not rent any trailers out to my kind of vehicle.. not sure if it's because my suv is a exploder.. or what.. so I messed about with that info, and at least found out what the trailer rental would cost.. the smaller enclosed one 4 x 8 will be about 350.00 the larger 6 x 12 will be about 800.00.
So the hard part is.. what will I have to actually carry and how small can I get away with. I know I am taking my dirtbike, and maybe even my dining room hutch (its an antique that I really like) I have alot of boxes- this I know..
just the few Christmas boxes I packed.. 8..I know.. what can I say.. I love Christmas, and there will be more...haha
Then I look around and think okay you have photo albums, computer, monitor, books, clothes, lots of those..figured I would grab the camping stuff so I can at least have pots and pans and some utensils. I don't want to have to buy any of that at least not right off.. the less I have to spend to get myself situated would be best. So yeah..I very well might need that 6 x 12 trailer. I guess we'll see how I go with the rest of the packing. I know there are things that I have to take, like the beautiful glasses my oma had, and the picture my opa painted, and the things my mum and dad have bought for me as gifts..ya.. call me sentimental.. its all good..
I am so use to it.
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